Monday, December 6, 2021

Let’s talk about love, by Hadiza Yuguda

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Its festive period and I believe there is no better topic to talk about than the almighty love, which makes the world go round. What comes to your mind when you hear the word love, male and female in love, or maybe boyfriend and girlfriend, husband and wife, parents and their children? Trust me love is far beyond two or more people. Love starts within oneself. Love is an emotional state of mind. It is a feeling and love is easy and beautiful.

A kid’s heart is full of genuine and dear love, but for a grown-up, the reverse is majorly the case. One can’t love truly if one misses out the concept of love. As one grows up, one would definitely get to be exposed to the reality of life, things that might change your perception towards love. For example, heartbreaks, betrayals, disappointments, dishonesty and the likes are the evidential testimonies that love exists. The only challenge is love could be refined or distorted.

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However, talking about love as a symbol of human union, it’s when you see the flaws, wrongs, imperfections and many more in someone, but you choose to stay despite all odds. Love is when you put the problem of your loved ones before yourself. Love is when you choose to be at your best when the other person is not at his best. Love is when what you want is never as important as what your partner wants, for it is always paramount. As far as I am concerned, if you truly love someone, these definitions will ring a bell. You will also take time to share, listen and care in tender and affectionate ways. To love is to have someone, on whom you can always depend on through the years, sharing laughter and tears, as a friend and lover. To love is to make special memories of moments you love to recall, of all the good things that sharing life brings.

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As far as I am concerned, people love differently, there’s this love that comes naturally with strong feelings of affection. However, people often mistaken their interests and desires for love. Interests and desires go hand in hand while desire can be simply described as a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen while interest is an activity you enjoy doing or the feeling of wanting to know or learn about something or someone.

You can’t love someone if you have zero interest on that person. However, you can have interest in someone you don’t love at all. The fact that I have an interest or enjoy something does not mean I can’t do without it. But for you to love someone it’s far beyond want, because it is an emotional state of mind. I like Yoga, I enjoy it but I can quit it at any point in my life. However, when it comes to love, the reverse is the case. If you think you can end your marriage or relationship at any time, then you never loved that person in the first place. Interest and desire for something like football, food, travelling are entirely different from the bond between two people.

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Moreover, these days people claim to love for some personal reasons. Some men fall for women’s looks, checking up a lady’s body while some ladies look out for men’s status. They would claim to love one another yet everyone holds his/her interests at heart. Don’t mistake sexual desire or money for love. Once you fulfill your heart desires that’s all, and that is infatuation, not love.

‘Infatuation’ is another trending issue that is also mistaken for love. This feeling is a temporary love but strong desire to have something. That feeling could be between man and woman, boy and girl. It is so rampant in our society nowadays. Gone are those days when true love exists, it is very rare nowadays. That is why our marriages and relationships cripple at an early stage. There are some marriages that end up two weeks, some six months, while some last for just one year. All these crashes mostly come as a result of delusions like infatuation and love for material things. Admittedly, both men and women have infatuation issues.

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I make bold to say that compatibility, not love, is key in marriage or courtship. Compatibility is when two people stay together without conflict, which is relatively impossible. However, understanding your similarities and respecting your differences is what makes two pairs compatible. This singular act is a symbol of maturity and a habit one should adopt. Love alone cannot keep a marriage forever; it has to be garnished with patience, understanding, trust, respect, sacrifice and dedication. Above all, to love and to be loved is an amazing feeling that comes with a lot of repercussions.

Love is limitless, it does not have a boundary. If you truly love someone you should go as far as moving a mountain for that person. Marriage or relationship is a full-time job. Don’t sign for it if you are not ready to stay committed to it. Give it your all, love with everything you’ve got, regardless of one’s religion, tribe, culture or colour, just be true to yourself and give it your best.

Ms Yuguda can be reached via [email protected][email protected], or on Twitter at: @HadeezahY.

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